Safe
by siophiefandom
Summary: This is the promised Paily re-imagining of "Fields of Dreams." It's a different story, with a bit of overlap. Sparks fly between Paige and Emily on the softball field, but will their passion for the sport translate into passion in other areas? Paily 5-shot, rated T for mature themes and language.
1. Like a Girl

"Safe!" the umpire yelled, and Paige threw her hands in the air, letting out a groan of frustration.

"You throw like a fucking girl," she said, not aiming her words at anyone in particular.

"Oh, fuck you, McCullers!" Emily was not in the mood. She had made one bad throw; it wasn't as if she didn't know how to play the game. "If you had been backing up first base instead of standing there like a spectator," Emily barked, pointing her mitt in the direction of the other team's runner, "maybe he wouldn't be standing on second right now!"

"Well, maybe," Paige shot back, stalking her way out to the infield, "I thought that my second baseman would be able to handle a routine throw to first!"

"I'm not _your_ second baseman! I'm not _your_ anything!"

"Hey," Caleb shouted, reminding them, "You're on the same team!"

Emily and Paige both glared at him, but they backed away from each other. He had a point. They needed to concentrate on the game, not on their spat with each other.

When the final out was recorded, after shaking hands with the other team, Emily sped over to the bench, eager to get on with her life.

"Hey," Paige said accusingly, with her hand on Emily's shoulder. Emily wriggled out of her grip and glared back at her. Paige rolled her eyes at the reaction and continued, "I can give you some help with your throwing."

"I don't _need_ your help," Emily spat back. "I don't need anything from you."

"You do if you want to stay on my team!"

"I don't give a fuck about your team!"

Hanna, who had been watching silently, gasped at that statement. She looked at Emily, her eyes pleading, shaking her head as her lips formed a silent, "No!"

Hanna needed for Emily to be on the team. It was her only excuse for being there herself. Her softball skills were somewhere between dreadful and non-existent. She hated the game, she hated the uniforms, and she hated getting dirty.

About the only thing that she didn't hate was the third baseman, Caleb Rivers. He was the only reason that she was willing to get up early on a Saturday, put on the horrible uniform, and run around getting all dusty and sweaty. She needed Emily on the team so that she would be able to say that she was there to support her friend, not there to stalk Caleb.

"Fine, whatever," Emily said, relenting for Hanna's sake. She turned back to the bench and started packing up again. She still felt Paige hovering behind her, though. "Was there something else?" she sneered

Paige just raised her eyebrows, as if Emily should know.

"Oh, God – you mean now?"

"Well, yeah," Paige said condescendingly.

"God… Fine, whatever." Emily looked to Hanna apologetically. "I'm really sorry, Hanna. Do you think you can get a…"

Before Emily could get the words out, Hanna shot her a coy smile and sidled up to the spot where Caleb and his friends were chatting. He immediately turned his attention to her as she, with her hands behind her back and her head tilted to the side, charmed him into offering her a ride home.

* * *

"I just have to lock this equipment up," Paige explained, fishing for the keys to the field house, somewhere in the bottom of the equipment bag. Emily rolled her eyes. She just wanted to get on with it.

Paige turned the key and pushed the door open, and, before she knew it, she was crashing against the old beat-up couch in the corner, with Emily on top of her.

"I throw like a girl, huh?" Emily growled. "You want to see what else I do like a girl?"

Before Paige could answer, Emily's tongue was jammed down her throat, tickling her tonsils. Emily was pawing aggressively at Paige's softball jersey, so Paige raised her arms, thinking that Emily wanted to pull the jersey over her head, but Emily didn't have time for that. Her focus was lower. Her goal was to get the jersey untucked from Paige's pants and to get her hands there in its place. In a matter of seconds, Paige was bucking uncontrollably off the couch.

The equipment room smelled like an old, dirty sock dipped in stale cologne. Emily and Paige were both sweaty and covered with dirt from the infield. Never before had Emily so completely understood the term, "doing the dirty." She didn't care. She needed to be inside Paige, and to feel Paige inside her, again. The dark shadows of the equipment room, the coarse feeling of the worn leather that was leaving friction burns on her exposed skin, the pungent smell of the room and each other – taken together, it felt like an appropriate setting for them to go at each other like animals.

* * *

"Hey," Paige whispered. Emily lifted her head from Paige's chest and forced her eyes open, looking around a bit to remember where she was.

They had worn themselves out and fallen asleep again.

Emily knew the drill. Paige would have to lock up soon.

"Do we have time to take a shower?"

Paige nodded, but Emily didn't get up. She put her head back on Paige's chest and wrapped her arms a little tighter around her. Paige chuckled contentedly.

Emily, not bothering to look up, started tracing her index finger around the underside of Paige's breast. "I know why you do it, you know," she said in a soft voice that sounded almost apologetic.

"You do?" Paige wasn't sure what Emily was referring to.

"Yeah. I know why you say things like, 'You throw like a girl,'" she repeated in a mocking tone.

"And why is that?"

"You just want to get me all riled up."

Paige laughed. "Yeah," she confirmed, circling on top of Emily and straddling her waist. Her tone was teasing. "And there's nothing you can do about it except wait until everybody's gone and we finally can be all by ourselves."

"Why do we have to keep it a secret." Emily said it as a complaint, rather than a question. She knew the answer.

It was always like this: some dirty back-room or out of the way venue, where they wouldn't be seen – or, if they _were_ seen, they wouldn't be recognized.

Paige smiled, tipping up Emily's chin so that she could see her eyes. "That's your rule, remember?"

"I know," Emily whined, drawing out the syllable. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I kind of like it."

Emily looked at her skeptically. "You like _this_?"

"Yeah, Paige said, untangling from Emily to sit beside her on the bed as she let down her hair, preparing for the shower that they would have to get up and take eventually. "It's like our dirty little secret. It's primitive and it's hot and it's…" Paige stopped when she saw the sad look in Emily's eyes. Emily knew her better than to believe what Paige was trying to convince her of. "Em, it's okay," Paige assured her. "You're not ready, and that's okay." Paige put her hand on Emily's cheek, to let her know that she was being sincere. "As long as we can be together."

Emily sat up and turned away from Paige, slightly. "Paige, I…" Emily stopped and shook her head. It didn't seem right for her to say those three little words to Paige when she couldn't even tell anyone that they were seeing each other. She put her head down, ashamed, and rested her chin into her curled-up hands.

Paige pulled one of Emily's fists away and held it as she kissed Emily on the cheek. "I know, Emily. I do, too."

Emily stood up sadly, remorsefully, and took Paige's hand, stopping to look back at her a few times as she led her to the shower. She came to a halt and rested her back against the tiled wall on the outside of the shower room. "I was lying before, you know."

"Lying?"

Emily nodded. "When I said I wasn't your anything." It was as big an admission as she could muster.

Paige smiled and pulled Emily in for a kiss. "You're my _everything."_


	2. Double Play

"Wow," Hanna said as she set her coffee down and squeezed into a booth. "You look like hell."

Emily sneered wordlessly at Hanna, settling in on the opposite side of the booth.

"McCullers really worked you hard!"

"You don't know the half of it." Emily managed a straight face. She would have died, if, indeed, Hanna knew the whole story.

"How late did she keep you there?"

"I don't know," Emily said through a yawn, rubbing and flexing her shoulder. "It was dark when we left."

Hanna nodded her chin at Emily's shoulder. "Did you pull something?"

Emily shrugged. "I guess. I think I might've just slept on it funny." _That couch wasn't made for sleeping._ Emily took a sip of her coffee and relaxed against the tuck-and-roll seatback of the booth with a heavy sigh. "I don't know why she rides me so hard." Emily delivered the line like a professional actor, not giving away the real meaning of the words she chose.

"Maybe she sees potential in you."

"What do you mean?"

"You know. It's like every jock movie: The coach gives the hero a super hard time because he knows the guy's going to be a superstar if he just learns how to put the work in."

Emily scoffed. "Whatever. Maybe some players respond to that kind of coaching, but…"

"Well, you gave it back to her just as hard as she gave it to you."

Emily recoiled when she heard that. _How could Hanna possibly know?_ "Hanna, what are you talking about?"

"You know? The two of you yesterday? That little scene in the infield? Way to stick up for yourself, Emily!" Hanna went up for the high-five. "I didn't know you had it in you, Fields!" Emily was the one who never made waves; always found a way to get along with everybody. Hanna found it refreshing that she didn't just stand still and take Paige's crap.

Emily gave Hanna the high-five, shaking her head in relief. "Anyway, sorry that I had to bail on driving you home, but, from the look of that smile on your face when you ran away from me, it wasn't a problem." Hanna smiled as demurely as it was in her nature to do and looked down at her coffee, stirring it with a red plastic stirrer. Emily had to prod. "So, are you going to tell me how that went?"

Hanna looked up at the ceiling, sighing contentedly. "I think I'm in love!"

"Of course you are," Emily said, laughing.

"No, really, Em! He's got this Geek-chic thing going on! He's telling me all about routers and crypto and yadda yadda yadda. Anyway, long story short, he's going to boost my internet speed like a cajillion times. And it's free! And legal!"

"Yeah. He sounds like the perfect guy."

Hanna scowled sarcastically. "Ha ha. I mean, obviously, he's sexy-cute, too. And he's got that voice. The geek thing is just like an unexpected bonus."

Emily raised her coffee cup in a toast. "Well, I never knew you to go for the geek, but, hey. As long as you're happy, Hanna."

"I am," Hanna said eagerly. "Well, we're getting there, at least." She reached across the table to pinch Emily's cheek. "Now, we've just got to work on you!"

"Hanna…" Emily squealed as she wrenched her face out of the grip of Hanna's fingers.

"What about Ben?" Hanna's eyes and smile widened as she said the name. "He's had his eyes on you ever since you showed up in that polyester uniform!"

"Hanna…"

"What? Em! You're not in college anymore, you're not swimming competitively, you already found a good job, so you don't have to worry about keeping your grades – you don't have any excuses left. You've got to get out there! You've earned yourself a bit of fun."

"Maybe I'm just enjoying being single."

Hanna rolled her eyes. "Said no one ever – unless she was lying."

"Maybe I hate men," Emily said softly.

"Well, duh!" Hanna spread her arms out wide. Emily panicked, realizing she had made one innuendo too many and had finally given her secret away. There was a part of her that wanted Hanna to know. It was stressful, trying to keep her sexuality hidden, and it would be nice to be able to get Hanna's opinion about Paige - or just tell her all about their crazy times together. And Emily would feel less like the loser whose best friend was desperate to find someone for her.

But, in the end, Emily knew that she wasn't ready for Hanna - or anyone else - to know.

"I hate men, too!" Hanna continued, finishing her thought oblivious to Emily's internal turmoil. Emily relaxed a little when she heard those words and realized that Hanna hadn't made the connection. "We _all_ hate men, Emily, but that doesn't mean we don't _date_ them! What else are you going to do when you need your pipes snaked out?"

Emily gasped, with her mouth opened as wide as if she were getting a root canal. "Hanna!" She looked around to see how many of the couples seated around them might have overheard that comment. Leaning in closer to Hanna, she whispered sternly, "My pipes are just _fine_ , thank you!"

Hanna tilted her head to the side. "I don't know, Emily. Self-service may get you out of a jam every once in a while, but, sooner or later, you're going to have to call in a guy!" Hanna took a dramatic pause. "Or a _gal_!" She wiggled her eyebrows at the ridiculousness of that statement. She knew that Emily was too shy to let a guy anywhere near her pipes – much less a girl.

* * *

"What is going on with you and Fields?"

Paige leaned casually in her seat. Caleb had no way of knowing that something was going on between them, but, if she overreacted to his question, it would tip him off to what was really going on. Not that she would have minded if Caleb knew about her and Emily. In fact, she, like Emily, thought that it would have been nice to have someone with whom she could discuss their relationship. But she respected Emily's situation. Emily wasn't ready to come out, and Paige wasn't about to out her.

"Really, Caleb? We have to go there?" Caleb put his palms up on the table, questioning what Paige meant. "And, here, I thought we were going to enjoy a nice lunch, talk some sports, maybe talk about girls…"

Caleb put his hands up in surrender. Still, with no other conversation filling in the silence, he brought the subject up again. "I'm just saying, you're so hard on her. Over shit that you would let go if it were anybody else…"

"Ugh…" Paige groaned dejectedly, realizing that they were going to have the discussion. "I don't know, Caleb. It just bugs me to see someone who's not giving 100%, you know? I can handle it when someone makes a mistake, but when someone dogs it because she doesn't have her head in the game…" Paige shook her head. "I mean, she's a natural talent. She should put in the work to reach her full potential."

Paige could hear herself ranting. Caleb just smiled, shaking his head.

"What? I'm just saying - I work my ass off!"

Caleb rolled his eyes. "We really need to get you laid."

"Oh. Yeah. Right. Because whenever a woman expresses any kind of strong emotion, it's because she needs to get laid."

"Yeah, either that or she's on her…" Caleb thought better of finishing that sentence when he saw the evil eye that Paige was giving him. "Look, I'm just saying. Shana's been trying to get into your pants since spring tryouts!"

Paige sighed, looking up at the ceiling melodramatically. "Yeah, it must be great to be a dude and just find a chick to boink whenever you need to work something out."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Caleb extended his hand for Paige to shake. It took her a second to figure out why he had his hand out. When she did, she shook it skeptically, not knowing what the joke was. But he was playing it straight. "Besides," he told her, "I'm a changed man."

"Hanna?" Paige asked, her voice like a song. Caleb nodded. Paige slammed her hand down on the table triumphantly. "You're welcome!" Caleb played along, smiling in gratitude as he shook his head, anticipating the third degree. "So, how'd that go?" Paige asked, with a nudge and a wink. "Did you close the deal?"

"A gentleman never tells!"

"Yeah, well, I didn't ask a gentleman!"

Caleb opened his mouth wide, feigning offense. "Well, I may not be a gentleman," he said after a breath, "but she's definitely a lady."

Paige turned her palms up on the tabletop, not sure what Caleb was implying. "So, are you saying that you guys did or you didn't?"

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Caleb put his hands up as if giving Paige the red light to stop her from rounding third. "No," he clarified, "I'm just saying. I think there might be the potential for something there. I just want us to take our time and see how it goes." Paige nodded as she processed his words. It looked as if she were about to say something condescending about how sweet and mature that sentiment was, but Caleb, to deflect attention away from himself, cut her off. "Something special – like the kind of thing that you and Shana could be starting."

"Shana and Hanna!" Paige shook her head. "God, we could never double! 'Shana and Hanna,'" she repeated. "It sounds like the evil twin sisters in a Disney Channel movie.


	3. Stuck

Emily lay in bed, on top of the covers, just staring at the ceiling. It was too early to go to bed, and she wasn't sleepy, anyway. And, besides, even if it had been bedtime, she knew that she wouldn't be able to get any sleep. She had too much on her mind.

She wasn't satisfied with where she was in life, but, realistically, there was nothing that she could do about it. She would die if anyone found out about her and Paige – or found out that she was into girls in general.

So, she was stuck.

She had thought that things would be different when she went to college. That was part of the reason that she chose Pepperdine, on the other side of the country, where no one knew her or her family. She thought that it would be easier to be honest about who she was, there in college, where everybody was open to new experiences, and nobody was judgmental. And then, her thinking went, after she got the initial "outing" out of the way, she would have the confidence that she needed to break the news to her family and friends when she returned to Rosewood – maybe even with a girl at her side – after graduation.

But she had never found the courage at college that she was lacking in Rosewood. Emily thought of California as a liberal, open-minded place, and, for the most part, that was true. But Pepperdine was a Christian college, and, although there was no outright prohibition on same-sex relationships, it was definitely not the safe, welcoming environment that Emily had envisioned for her coming-out.

So, Emily did what she had done at home: She concentrated on her studies and on swimming. She didn't have time for relationships, she told her roommates, and the several eligible guys that they always seemed to find to try to pair her up with. Every once in a while, at a party or a bar, she would look across the room and see someone else with that same helplessly hoping look in her eye and wonder what her life might have been like, if she were only able to follow her heart.

And then came Paige.

The first time Emily saw Paige, it was pretty much like all of those other sightings, across the room in a crowded bar. But the look in Paige's eye wasn't as helpless as the ones Emily had become used to seeing in those situations. It was also nowhere near as hopeful. There was a kind of world-weary optimism in the smile that she was giving Emily. As Emily tried to make sense of it, she realized that she had been staring too long. Her staring had emboldened Paige to walk over.

"I hate these things." Those were the first words that Paige had ever said to Emily. Emily looked around for Hanna, who had dragged her out to the bar in the first place, but Hanna had long since moved on to that night's target. Emily just nodded demurely and took another sip from her straw. Paige gave her an intense look, as if trying to determine whether her instincts from the other side of the room had been correct. When Emily smiled self-consciously and looked away, it told Paige everything that she needed to know about her.

Paige was far from helpless. She was just the opposite. The problem with her dating life was that she was jaded. She'd been through every kind of relationship imaginable, and had more or less given up on the prospect of finding someone. Ordinarily, she wouldn't have wasted her time on someone like Emily; someone who, although she was undeniably as beautiful as they come, was also obviously still deep in the closet. But there was something in Emily's eyes that made Paige decide to stick around. It was something pure and genuine; something that Paige knew she would never be able to say no to. Something that she was sure would ultimately be the death of her – or, possibly, her rebirth.

Paige didn't press it that night. She just bought Emily a drink, shared some laughs with her, and, when it was time to go, smiled genially and assured Emily that they would see each other again. They had a connection, Paige told her, with enough conviction to make Emily hope that it was more than just a line from a smooth operator in a bar.

And there was a confidence in the way that she had said it made Emily believe her. So, she wasn't surprised, really, when Hanna dragged her off to join the softball league to stalk the guy she had met in the bar that night, to discover that Paige was the team's captain. When Emily wrote her name and phone number on the roster form, Paige gave her a smile. There was definitely something extra behind that smile, but it was subtle enough that it would only have been picked up by someone who was looking for it. From the very start, Paige respected Emily's need for discretion.

There was never a discussion about her need to be discreet. Paige just seemed to know. When Paige called Emily up later in the week, she invited her out to a bar just outside of town, someplace where no one would know them. Someplace where Emily could laugh and be herself. Someplace where she felt safe enough to answer honestly when Paige asked whether she should call her again.

Their relationship moved fast, because Emily knew instinctively that she could trust Paige. Everything that Paige had ever done was done to protect Emily; to keep her safe. Safe was the word that Emily would have used to describe their first time, if she had had anyone to describe it to. Paige made her feel safe; valued; accepted. Emily felt everything that she had hoped, and not the one of things she had feared that she would feel: ashamed, cheap, evil.

Still, Emily was never able tell anyone about what she and Paige had. And that night, lying alone on top of her bed, that reality was eating her up inside.

She really needed to hear Paige's voice, to talk her down, but she didn't even know what she would say if she called Paige. And then, her phone rang. Paige somehow always seemed to know what she needed, without having to be told.

Paige called, she said, to make sure that Emily and Hanna were going to be there for the next game. Of course they would, Emily replied with a light laugh; why wouldn't they be?

"You know, I just like to check up on you," Paige said in that warm, raspy way that she had. Emily could hear her smile through the phone. "Okay, well…"

"What's the other team like?" Emily blurted out, picking up on the fact that Paige was about to transition to "good night." Emily wasn't ready for that just yet.

"Oh, you know. They're a 'Hanna-rule' team."

The team played in a coed league, and they had a rule, which Paige had teasingly come to call "the Hanna rule," that every set of three batters in the batting order had to include at least one male and one female. The rule was intended to keep teams from loading up their line-up with heavy hitters, and condemning the people, like Hanna, who may not have had skills bet were there for fun, to life on the sidelines. For most teams, the rule wasn't a problem, but for teams that were more interested in winning than in enjoying the game, it could prove to be a burden. Those were the teams that Paige referred to as "Hanna rule teams."

"So, coming away with a victory is going to be a challenge," Paige explained, "but, hey, we'll have fun, win or lose."

Emily laughed, more because of who was talking than because of what she was saying. "I think you mean, 'close game' or 'blow-out!'"

"Yeah, well, I guess that's what I mean," Paige said softly, equally happy to hear Emily's voice on the other line. It wasn't easy, on Paige, not being able to have that voice as the last thing that she heard at night and the first thing that she heard in the morning, but Paige had decided to enjoy what they, rather than complain about what was missing.

"Anyway, it'll be fun just be out there, throwing the old softball around."

Paige certainly made it sound fun. "It will," Emily agreed. "I lo…" Emily chuckled shyly at what her heart almost blurted out, but her mind was still felt too guilty to let her say. "I look forward to seeing you," she said instead.

"I look forward to seeing you, too, Em," Paige assured her warmly. "With all of my heart."

Emily's smile quickly disappeared after Paige ended the call. It wasn't fair, what she was doing to Paige. Paige was out and proud. She shouldn't have to be stuck with someone who didn't even have the courage to admit that she was gay. Paige needed to be with someone whose hand she could hold in public; someone she could kiss at the end of a great game; someone she could show off to her friends. Someone who could take her out on a romantic date and spend the night afterwards. She needed something better than their tawdry hook-ups on the cramped couch in the putrid field house.

Paige always seemed to know what Emily needed. Would Paige know, Emily wondered, that she needed to break up with her?


	4. Line Drive

**A/N - Tissues ready? Then we'll begin... :'(**

* * *

"I'm telling you, Em," Hanna said urgently, "You're going to have to find a way to get along with Paige McCullers, or she's going to kick you off of the team!" Hanna was in the middle of a tirade that had begun when she picked up on the fact that something was off with Emily. Since they were on their way to a game, Hanna assumed that it had to do with Paige, and their ongoing feud.

It definitely had to do with Paige, although, despite what Hanna thought, there was no feud. Thinking about Paige had kept Emily up all night, and it showed in her weary eyes. As she drove to the game, her thoughts were consumed with what she knew she had to do, and how she was planning to do it. She was determined to give Paige the best break-up sex of her life – or the best break-up sex possible on the old couch in the stinky field house. Or maybe in the shower. But afterwards, she would have to give Paige the speech that she had prepared: Paige deserved more. Emily couldn't hold her back any longer. She cared too much for her. And the fact that she planned to say the word "cared" instead of the word that she really felt only served to prove the point that Paige deserved better than her.

"Uh, Em?" Hanna snapped her fingers in front of Emily's face. "Did you hear what I said? If she kicks you off of the team…"

"She's not going to kick me off the team," Emily said, annoyed. She had enough on her mind without having to worry about Hanna's love life. "She hasn't kicked _you_ of off the team," she mumbled.

"Uh – I heard that, Emily. I'm right here. And _I'm_ actually paying attention to this conversation!"

Emily knew that she had to get it together. If she couldn't act normal in front of Hanna, there was no way that she would be able to act cool in front of Paige, and not tip her off to what she had no choice but to do after the game. "Hanna," she said wearily, "Paige is not going to kick me off of the team. No matter how much she may hate me" – _after what I'm going to do to her –_ "she still needs people on the team who can actually play the game. People who aren't just using the league as a dating service."

Hanna smiled guiltily and shrugged her shoulders. There was no denying that dating was the only reason that she was on the team.

"How's that going, by the way?" Emily was tired of talking about Paige.

"Not bad," Hanna said, suddenly peppy, "Thanks to Paige McCullers." Emily rolled her eyes. "We finally got to talk, when Paige kept you after class and heI got him to give me a ride home."

"Yeah?" Emily was trying her best to sound interested – a skill which she had honed from listening to Hanna's boy-crazy rants ever since puberty. Even though Hanna had already told her about the ride home, Emily knew that there was more to the story - and that Hanna was itching to tell it. Emily was eager for the distraction. "So, how did that go?"

Hanna turned slightly in the passenger seat. "I told him that you had to stay so Paige could help you with your game." Emily groaned at that – as if she needed help with her game. "He told me, I swear to God, that he could help me out with my bat. So, I told him, 'Yeah, and I could help you out with your balls!'"

Emily almost veered off the road. "Hanna!" she laughed, "You did not!"

"Well, no," Hanna confessed, "but you _know_ I was thinking it!"

Emily shook her head and smiled, turning her attention back to the road. She had successfully pivoted away from the subject of Paige McCullers. Soon, they would be at the ballpark, and Emily wouldn't have to worry about Hanna. Caleb would be there to distract her. And Emily would have bigger things to worry about.

* * *

Emily leaned in as Paige went into her pitching motion. She was trying her best to concentrate on the game, not on Paige's lithe movements or the way that her well-toned form was straining at every seam of her uniform.

But Emily needed to concentrate. She didn't need a repeat of the previous week's performance, where a lapse in concentration resulted in a poor throw. And she didn't want to risk having Hanna pick up on anything from the way that she was eyeing up Paige. Even though Hanna's attention was taken up with whatever Caleb was doing, she was still pretty good at reading people and picking up on cues.

Emily watched the ball on its way to the plate, and, all of a sudden, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. The batter got all of the pitch and sent it screaming back straight at Paige. Emily saw the ball slam into Paige's chin, and saw Paige collapse like a house of cards in a windstorm.

It felt as if Emily was under water. She screamed, "Paige," but she couldn't hear her own voice. The next thing she knew, she was on her knees in the circle, crying helplessly beside Paige's limp body, screaming desperately for somebody to do something.

She never registered Hanna's arrival until she felt Hanna's arms around her. Hanna's voice, telling her over and over that Paige was going to be okay, seemed distant and distorted, like a voice in a dream. Hanna got Emily up on her feet and turned her around when the paramedics arrived, not wanting her to have to see what was going on as they strapped Paige onto a backboard and hoisted her onto a gurney. She helped Emily over to the bench and grabbed her own bag, Emily's, and Paige's. Emily felt herself being eased into the passenger seat of her car, where Hanna buckled her in.

The ride to the hospital was a blur. Emily sobbed silently as Hanna's distant, distorted voice chattered away. Emily had no idea what Hanna was saying, but her tone was comforting, as was her hand on Emily's thigh.

* * *

Emily was fidgeting with her hands, hunched over beneath Hanna's protective arm. Her eyes were sore and red from crying. She was emotionally exhausted and physically sick from worrying about Paige. "Why are they keeping her so long?" she complained, her voice raw and her eyes unfocused.

Hanna spoke soothingly. "They just want to make sure that she's okay." Emily gasped at that. "Em, she's fine," Hanna assured her, stroking her hair.

"If anything happens to her…" Emily couldn't finish the thought.

"Emily…." Hanna's need to know what was up with Emily and Paige was killing her, but she suppressed it. Emily had enough to worry about. Emily looked up at her helplessly, waiting for her to finish her thought. "I'll go see what I can find out," she said instead. "Do you want me to find you some coffee?"

Emily shook her head weakly. She didn't want coffee. She wanted Paige to be okay.

Hanna took several looks back at Emily as she headed down the corridor. Emily was shaking her head and twisting the hem of her jersey in her hands, occasionally using it to dry her cheeks. Hanna quickened her pace, not wanting Emily to have to sit there alone for too long.

The antiseptic smell of the hospital was burning Emily's nostrils. Combined with the harsh lights and the constant beeping from every quarter, it was giving Emily a headache. Or maybe it was just all the sobbing, the worry, and the not-knowing. Emily had no idea how long Paige had been back there. She only knew that it was too long.

Emily was almost in a trance when she heard the two sweetest sounds she had heard throughout the ordeal: The buzzing of the electromagnets that opened the double doors from the emergency room, and sound of Paige's soft sweet voice.

"Emily."

Before she could control herself, Emily ran towards the voice and hugged Paige tight, kissing her lips as if it were the first time – or the last time. And then the sobbing started. She clung desperately to Paige, unloading deep sobs onto her shoulder. She was there to take care of Paige, but, as usual, it was Paige taking care of her.

Emily came to herself and put a respectable amount of space between herself and Paige, knowing that Hanna would be back soon. She got her emotions under control and asked Paige what the doctors had said. She didn't really hear the answer. Just hearing Paige speak was enough.

Hanna, in the meantime, had already returned. She had seen everything that happened since the doors from the ER opened, but she waited in the distance, no more willing to intrude on their moment than she would have been to scream in the middle of a funeral service.

When Paige and Emily moved over to the seats in the waiting area, Hanna took the cue and resumed her walk over to where they were sitting. Emily had her fingers intertwined with Paige's. Her knuckles were white from how tightly she was squeezing them. Even though Hanna could see it, Emily couldn't let go.

Hanna picked up Emily's car from the hospital's parking lot, knowing that the other two were in no condition to be behind the wheel. All three of them got out of the car at Paige's house. Emily left Paige's side just long enough to turn and have a word with Hanna.

"I'm staying with Paige," she announced.

Hanna tried her best to suppress her smile. "Of course."

"To make sure that she's okay," Emily said sternly, trying to drive away whatever thoughts were going through Hanna's head.

"Of course!" Hanna furrowed her brow soberly, to let Emily know that she wasn't questioning her intentions.

Emily gathered her into a hug. She gathered strength from it. "Thank you," she said, into Hanna's hair. She was thanking her for taking care of her – and Paige – but also for not making a big deal about what she had obviously seen.

Hanna nodded into Emily's shoulder, raising her lips to Emily's ear. "I won't tell a soul," she whispered.

"Thank you," Emily said weakly. She dashed over to where Paige was standing and wrapped her arms around her, to help her into the house, but it wasn't clear which one was holding the other one up.

When they made it inside the house, the emotional weight caught up with Emily, and she almost collapsed, but Paige held her up. Emily quickly sprang to her feet. "No," she insisted. "You shouldn't be lifting anything."

"I'm fine," Paige said reassuringly.

Emily kissed her once, desperately. Paige could taste the salt from the afternoon's tears. "I should be lifting you," Emily said helplessly.

"Emily, I'm…"

"Paige, I can't lose you."

"I'm not going anywhere," Paige whispered.

Paige took Emily's face in her hands. "You're exhausted," she said, guilty over what she had put Emily through. "You need to eat something."

"I'm not hungry," Emily snapped back immediately. "I couldn't eat."

"Well, I'm kind of hungry," Paige said with a shrug. She knew that, if Emily wouldn't eat for herself, she would eat for Paige's sake.

"I'll make you something." Emily volunteered, heading to the kitchen.

"Emily, you're exhausted. Let's just order something."

"I'll make you something," Emily insisted. She had to. She needed to be able to do something for Paige.

That night wasn't the first night that they had slept together, but it was one of the rare occasions when they were able spend the night together. And, what was even rarer, just sleeping was enough for them that night.

Emily woke in a panic and sat straight up. She held still there without a sound until she heard the slow, reassuring breaths that Paige was taking in her sleep. Upon hearing them, she lay back down, close enough to feel Paige's heartbeat against her back. Paige, still asleep, stretched her arms around her, squeezing her tight, as if she could feel Emily's fear. Emily allowed herself to relax. Paige was okay, and she – Emily – was safe.

* * *

"Well, anyway. I just wanted to say thank you, again. For taking care of me yesterday. And… P – Paige."

Emily wasn't as weepy as she had been the day before, but she was definitely subdued. And nervous. It wasn't the bouncing off one's seat kind of nervous; it was a fidgety, resigned kind of nervous, like a condemned prisoner on her last day.

"Of course," Hanna said softly. She wanted to give Emily as much space as she needed. "You know I'm there for you – and Paige – whatever you need."

Emily reached for Hanna's shoulder across the table but thought against it, drawing her hand back to the coffee cup that she was staring into instead. She alternated between tapping her index finger against the side of the cup and circling the rim with it. "Hanna," she said, without looking up. Here voice was almost pleading. She inhaled, as if she had more to say, but she left it at that.

Hanna sat patiently, hunched over the table, both to get closer to Emily and show that she was there for her, and to allow Emily to speak in whispers. There was no need to share their conversation with the rest of the coffee shop.

Emily inhaled again, two more times, but she didn't form a word. When she lifted her eyes towards Hanna, Hanna read the desperate plea for hep.

"Paige is really a great captain, isn't she?"

Emily, looking back down at her coffee cup, nodded. The hint of a smile was forming on her face.

"She really cares about the team." Hanna smiled at Emily. Emily bit her lip.

"And, I mean, sometimes, she can be a little harsh, but that's just because…"

"Just because she's such a competitor," Emily replied, her smile now full-on.

Hanna reached for Emily's hand. Her expression was sober, not light-hearted or teasing. "You really love her, don't you?"

There was something about Hanna's hand around hers that calmed Emily, and Emily wasn't sure why. It certainly wasn't the first time that Hanna had held her hand. Somewhere, deep in her subconscious, she registered that this was the first time that Hanna had taken her hand since she found out about Emily's feelings for Paige. And on that deep, internal level, Hanna, by holding her hand, was showing her that nothing had changed between them: Hanna wasn't judging her for loving a woman, and she wasn't hesitant to make physical contact with Emily – as if afraid that touching her would send the wrong signal. Hanna was still Hanna; still Emily's best friend.

It's hard enough to admit that you have feelings for someone, and much harder when that admission includes that fact that the someone you have feelings for is the same sex. But Hanna was holding Emily's hand, letting her know that she wouldn't have to make this journey alone. She would have her oldest, most trusted friend walking alongside her.


	5. Safe at Home

**A/N - I want to say a big thank you for all of the great ideas that people shared in the reviews - jealous Emily; Paige and Emily getting caught in one of their hook-ups; throwing Shana and Ben into the mix; some others... I really wish that I could explore some of those ideas in this fic, because I find them all intriguing. Unfortunately, I'm still at least a couple of months away from writing a full multi-chapter again, so I'm going to have to keep this to a 5-shot.**

 **Sorry - I really wish I could do this story - and your suggestions - justice.**

 **Thanks so much for reading - and special thanks to those who took the time to review. I honestly love you all!**

* * *

There was a change in Emily after the accident. Paige noticed, of course. There was no way that she could miss it.

On the one hand, Emily had become more maternal. She seemed to need to take care of Paige. Paige was never one to sit back and let someone else take care of her, but she put up with it, because she knew that it was what Emily needed, in order to be able to work things through.

Whenever one of their teammates came by to check in on Paige, no one seemed surprised to find Emily there. There head always been something of a mother hen about her; she had been the first to rush into the circle, after all, when Paige was hit by the ball.

No one seemed to have any idea that they were together. Emily's secret was safe.

But there was another change in Emily. She was more subdued; more tentative. She started avoiding eye contact with Paige, and her voice, when she spoke was barely audible. It was the shy, somewhat insecure way that Emily behaved around people whom she didn't know well, but it had been ages since Paige had seen that side of her. It made Paige nervous and tentative, too. She couldn't help feeling that Emily had come to her senses and realized that she couldn't do the down-low thing anymore. As soon as she nursed Paige back to health, Paige feared, Emily was going to break up with her.

Emily spent most of her nights at Paige's apartment, sleeping in Paige's arms. They were affectionate but not intimate, both living under a cloud of dread.

Paige avoided the subject of their relationship as best as she could, choosing to enjoy what they had for as long as they still had it. But, one morning, at breakfast, it was obvious that Emily needed to talk.

"Paige," Emily began slowly. Paige felt something deep in the pit of her stomach sink like a stone. It had been years since she last felt like crying, but the sensation, when it hit, seemed much more familiar than distant, like reconnecting with an old friend. "I... I need to tell you something," Emily concluded.

Paige tightened her lips and nodded once. She knew this speech. It was just that she was used to being on the giving end of it, not the receiving end.

"Before your... accident..." Emily still struggled with putting words to what had happened to Paige. "... I was planning to break up with you."

"Okay."

Paige understood. Emily wouldn't have had the heart to abandon Paige after what happened that day. But, now that Paige was getting better, Emily was ready to go through with it. And Paige would have to set her free.

"I had it all planned out." Emily couldn't suppress the guilty smile at what she was about to admit. "I was going to give you the best sex of your life and then tell you that you deserve better than me."

 _Right._ Paige nodded. It was the familiar technique: It's not you, it's me.

"But, when I saw you fall to the ground like that..." For the first time, Emily looked into Paige's eyes. "Paige, I can't lose you." Emily shook her head with a sniffle. "You deserve better. And I can be better. I... I promise."

Paige stood and lifted Emily from her chair. She hugged her so tight that it hurt. They could both feel each other's sobbing. In between her tears, Emily whispered, her voice shaky, "Paige, please don't break up with me." She knew how desperate it sounded - as desperate as she felt.

Emily was convinced that all of Paige's awkwardness over the previous two weeks was because the accident had gotten Paige thinking, too, and she realized that life was too short to invest in a secret love. "I swear, I'll do better."

"Hey," Paige said gently, reassuring Emily with a kiss. "You don't have to be better for me. You're all I want, just the way you are right now." Paige lifted Emily's head so that Emily could see her eyes. "Okay?"

Emily nodded and hugged Paige again. "Paige, I..."

Emily wanted to be better, but she still couldn't say the words. She bit her lip and looked away.

"I know," Paige assured her.

Paige had a smile on her face when they separated from the hug. Emily blew out a puff of air, already rolling her eyes in anticipation. "What, Paige?"

"The best sex of my life, huh?" Paige wiggled her eyebrows.

"Oh God!" Emily smacked Paige on the shoulder sharply. "I knew I never should've told you that!" Paige's smile stretched even wider. "What's so funny?"

"You hit me!"

"Yeah, well - I should've punched you!"

"Don't you see, Em? For the first time since the hospital, you didn't treat me as if I was a raw egg with a cracked shell!"

And, just like that, all the tension of the previous two weeks had vanished. Well, not quite all of it. After two weeks, they were more than eager to work out the rest of the tension, but that would have to wait until they had cleared away the breakfast dishes.

* * *

"Are you sure you want to pitch tomorrow?"

"Of course I'm sure! I've been waiting two weeks for the doctors to clear me to play."

"Okay, but let Shana pitch. Or me. Or one of the guys. You can play outfield. You don't have to be a hero."

Paige held Emily close and kissed her lips. "You know what they say – you've got to get right back on that horse."

Emily groaned in frustration. She'd grown tired of hearing Paige talk about that damned horse over the course of her recovery. "Well, at least, will you wear…"

"Emily," Paige whined, "don't ask me to..."

"I'm serious, Paige!"

"I hate those masks! I can't even see through them – I've got no peripheral vision…"

"What if you get hit again?"

Paige took hold of Emily's hands. "Em, I've been playing softball since I was seven, and I've been hit by a batted ball one time."

Emily lowered her head, hiding her expression behind her long, dark hair. She wasn't going to let herself cry.

"I'll wear the mask," Paige said softly.

Emily looked up, the tears welling in her eyes. "Paige, when I saw them load you into that ambulance…"

Paige kissed Emily's forehead. "I know, Em. I said I'll wear the mask."

"No, you don't know!" Emily almost screamed. In a softer tone, she explained, "I _love_ you."

"I know," Paige said calmly, using the same words she had used all of those times before, when Emily had been unable to say what they both knew. "But it really feels good to hear you say it."

Emily wrapped her arms around Paige's waist and kissed her. "Then I'll say it for as long as I live. I love you, Paige McCullers."

"And I'll say it back. I love you, Emily Fields." Paige kissed her. "You know," Paige said, smiling as she tried to lighten the mood, "it's kind of weird that your name is Fields and you're so good at fielding." Emily rolled her eyes. She had been hearing that all her life. "You should play centerfield! Then you'd be Emily 'Out' Fields!" _Oops._ "Oh, shit. I didn't mean…" Paige sighed. "I just meant…"

Emily shook her head. "It's okay." She took Paige's hand and led her to the couch. "I told Hanna. About us. I mean, she pretty much knew, but…"

Paige nodded, her expression sober. "That must've been so hard."

"Yeah…" Emily chuckled slightly. "Not as hard as I thought, actually. Hanna was pretty cool about it."

"Yeah?" Emily nodded. "I guess I could see that."

Emily smiled faintly. "So, now, all I have to do is…"

Paige recognized the way that Emily was fidgeting with her fingers. "Em, we don't have to do anything that you're not ready for."

Emily didn't look at Paige, focusing instead on the incessant, nervous movements of her fingers. "You know, on the way to the hospital, all I kept thinking was, 'What if something happens to her, before anybody even knows about this beautiful thing that the two of us have?'"

"Emily…"

"I know, Paige. Nothing happened. I'm just saying. It made me think. And I don't want to hide it anymore. I don't want to hide the best thing that's ever happened to me."

* * *

Paige scowled as she hunched over on the bench to lace up her shoes. She knew what everyone was going to think when she took the field with that hideous mask on: that she was a wimp who had lost her nerve after getting hit by a ball one time. And she couldn't even blame it on her girlfriend, since no one knew about her and Emily. She was just going to have to shut it down, all of the teasing. She had her most severe scowl ready for the first person to make a joke about Hannibal Lecter or Bane, or whatever.

As she jogged to the mound with her chin tucked into her chest she heard applause. She couldn't tell who had started it, but, when she looked up, she saw that all of her teammates had tucked their mitts under their arms and were clapping for her. Some were whistling, some hooted, and someone yelled, "Go Cap!" Nobody cared about the facemask. They were just glad to have their captain back. It felt empowering. She felt like a Roman general, proudly reviewing her legions of loyal soldiers before leading them into battle.

It was empowering for Emily, too. In that moment, she realized that the team was her family, too. She didn't have to worry about what they would think. She already knew what they thought about her.

But, even more than that, she wanted her teammates to know – she wanted the world to know – that that woman in the circle, standing confidently as she tossed her warm-up pitches – that woman was with her.

After the game, Paige took the team out for burgers and shakes. It was something that she did occasionally, when the team had something to celebrate, or when they needed a boost after a tough game. It was a raucous time of letting off steam and bonding as a team.

Emily usually sat a respectable distance away from Paige at the meals, but, this time, she made a point of getting the chair directly to Paige's left.

After everyone had pretty much finished eating, before they started to get restless and head for the exit, Paige stood up to make an announcement. It was something about team and family, and how much their support meant to Paige during her recovery and when she returned to the pitching circle. It was a beautiful speech that Emily heard about three words of. She was too preoccupied thinking about her own announcement.

Emily hugged Paige when Paige sat down. She gave her a moment to enjoy the cheers and recognition of her team before she stood up and said, louder than most of them had ever heard her speak, "I have an announcement, too!"

Once the words were out there, she realized that she didn't know what she wanted to say, or how she wanted to say it. And that she hadn't checked to see whether or not Paige was okay with announcing it. When she looked down, she saw that Paige was giving her an encouraging smile.

Emily, still at a loss for words, knew that she had to do something, so she pulled Paige to her feet, wrapped her arms around her shoulders, and gave her a long kiss. Paige – not to mention the rest of the team – was caught off-guard at first, but, soon, she was kissing back, and the team was cheering lasciviously. When they separated, Emily shrugged her shoulders with her hands up by her face, smiling shyly. She quickly sat down again. She would have been blushing uncontrollably were it not for Paige's arm squeezing her shoulder, and for the look of pride and delight on Paige's face. Paige kissed her, laughing against her lips. "You did it, Kid!"

Emily finally felt at liberty to say it in public. "I love you, Paige." And Paige said it back. Emily got a squishy feeling deep in her stomach. She was safe.


End file.
